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subwaydouchery:

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : The Douchifier 

Perfectly weathered (…and purchased that way) ball cap? CHECK! Boot cut Diesel jeans? Ch-Ch-Check it out! Flip Flops, the most unprotected unnecessarily dangerous footwear to ever consider wearing in an urban environment where broken class is as common as asphalt? YOU KNOW IT! So many douchy bases covered you’re like a gigantic douche blanket wrapping us in the mirth of your douchosity. But something is missing? What could be the one douche move that would separate the man from the boy?

BOOM! Hell, I wouldn’t even have though of it! You hoisted that leg high onto the pole that is exclusively for people to hold for balance, like it was a keg of Natty Light back at the frat house. You whipped out your cell phone in a relaxed position and began to text “chicks” or “tail” or “bottoms” like the good ol’ days of college! All of us will be happy to climb around your gangly ass leg!

PUT THE LEG DOWN! PUT THE PHONE AWAY! AND GROW THE HELL UP!

Little known fact: subway douchebagdom is responsible for 90% of the business the anger management industry receives annually.